“WHY DOES NURSING SCHOOL HAVE TO BE SO HARD?!?!?” I find myself questioning out loud like…….every day. This week, I had my last clinical shift on the cardio floor, and it completely broke my heart. Despite my previous feelings about the heart and totally disliking every part of it, I loved that floor. The nurses are incredible and helpful and wonderful, my clinical group was goofy and fun and awesome, and the patients were interesting to say the very least. This first-half of the semester, I have learned so much more about dealing with people and making tough judgement calls, and – oh my lanta! – I got to start a couple IVs along the way! I finally feel like a nursing student who is just two and a half semesters away from claiming that desired RN title.
But, I can’t not share about the sucky-ness of this week, either. After finishing my shift Tuesday night, I hit the books. I stayed up so much later than my body wanted so I could study for my fourth Pediatrics test Friday that I’d already begun preparing for during my spring break. I studied Wednesday. I studied Thursday. I woke up earlier than usual Friday morning and studied. But as I clicked “Start” and opened my exam, I immediately thought, Crap. I blanked. I forgot everything. Somehow I passed, but not with a score I wanted. My grade dropped from a beautiful 92, A to a big, fat, ugly B, and I closed my laptop, stared up at my instructors, and turned my face into an expression that asked, “Why would you do this to me?”
I’ve said it before, and for the purposes of this post, I shall say it again: Nursing School is hard. And sometimes I just don’t understand why it has to be as difficult as my professors make it. Why do I have to spend all my free time doing homework, watching panoptos, studying, in clinical, dying, crying, etc.? I feel as if school is created to be much harder than it actually has to be. The tests are tricky and horrible and more discouraging than they have to be. I walk around confused and defeated and on the verge of tears way more than I should have to be (that’s kind of a joke, but also kinda true). Why does school have to be so hard?
And then I watched someone flat line, shocked, and wheeled away for surgery. I stood there completely speechless, immobile, perplexed as I saw the nurses and doctors and other team members work their hardest – and, surprisingly, calmest – to help the patient in need. For the first time since beginning nursing school in May, I realized: This is why school is so hard. WE’RE SAVING LIVES!!!!
Ya know that saying, “Nothing worth having comes easy”? It’s pretty true, go figure. Getting my nursing degree is nothing short of impossible, but MAN will it be worth having. To calmly attend to a patient in need, to keep their hearts beating and their lungs breathing until a doctor can come handle the situation, to give these people another chance at living, to be that person who saves someone else’s life. . . . .that should not be an easy degree to obtain. Finally, it all made sense.
Finally, a whole new perspective of who Jesus is also made sense.
It’s no secret that my Jesus was nailed to the cross that fateful day on Calvary. It’s no secret that the event was horribly horrible, either. He was beaten, mocked, spat at, dying. He was given a crown of thorns, smashed into His skull. He carried His very own cross miles and miles towards His very own death. The night before His arrest, Jesus prayed to God alone in the woods, Father, take this cup from Me. And in the next breath, Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will. (Matthew 26:39)
Throughout my walk alongside Jesus, I’ve been heartbroken over the thought of His death. Reading about it tears me up inside. Picturing His sinless body ripped and beaten because of my filthy body diminishes my ego as shame and guilt swells in my soul. Why did Jesus’ death have to be so hard? I’ve wondered. Why couldn’t He just rescue the world by the snap of His fingers? Without all the pain?
Because, HE WAS SAVING LIVES. Finally, it all made sense.
God’s plan to rescue the world from forever separation of Himself could not be achieved lightly or easily; it had to be accomplished the hard, painful way. God had to send His blameless only Son to save my sinful soul, because that was he only way to FINISH IT. As Jesus hung there bloody, exhausted, reaching for His last few breaths of life on this wretched earth, He looked to the Heavens and cried, “IT IS FINISHED!” His sacrifice was excruciating and horrifying and the most painful death of them all. But He was saving lives. It’s not an easy act.
Walking across that stage (someday) (maybe) and reaching for my diploma that proudly proves I graduated with a BSN-RN degree from UMMC, as my name badge will reveal the skills and hard work behind my title, as I walk into the hospital to accomplish what God has designed me to do, I will save lives. It is a difficult, gut-wrenching project that leaves me tired and in tears almost every night.
Walking up the road to Calvary (that day) (for sure) and carrying His cross that proved He was to sacrifice His sinless body, as the very mention of His name revealed the life He lived and the miracles performed behind his title, the Son of God, as He hung on the cross to accomplish exactly like God designed Him to do, He saved lives. It was a difficult, gut-wrenching death that left Him tired and in tears on that horrible night. His family and followers tired and in tears on that horrible. Me in tears right now even as I write about this story I’ve recounted so many times since I first understood the gospel.
It couldn’t be an easy process. He had to sacrifice His life so that I could live with Him one day. You can live with Him one day. We can can all live with Him today through the Holy Spirit. On the realest of reals, hit me up if you want to know more about this Jesus that went through everything horrifying just to save your life. Regardless of what you’re dealing with or what you’re struggling against, It is finished.
With much love to my BloggerFam as we approach this Easter Sunday!!!!!!!
Allie
seekin' out the happiness in all life's crappiness 