“I had a friend who went through a bone marrow transplant”
That’s how I start it off every. single. time. one of my patients ask why I chose to be a nurse on the BMT floor. The holidays can be hard when I think of Danny and notice he isn’t here….especially when his presence was always so expected, so well known. I spent so many days after his death turning my nose towards the sky, Why did You let Danny have leukemia, God? Why did You let him die?
Since I became a nurse and started working with patients just like Danny, I’ve found myself asking the “why” questions again. Why this family, God? What are You doing with this?
I know I’m not alone in asking this.
Some days are hard, no matter who you are or where you are in life. Some days we all cry to the heavens “Why me? Why my family? What are You doing with this?”
What are we supposed to do during these days? What are we supposed to do when life gets so hard and so confusing? When you can’t see, can’t believe, that God has a purpose, or that God is listening, or that God cares? What are we supposed to do when everything is spinning out of our control….and neither God nor His rescue mission is on the horizon?
Mary said, “I am the servant of the Lord. Let this happen to me as you say!”
Then the angel went away.
Before Jesus could be born, before Jesus could walk among us, before Jesus could die for us and save our souls, there had to be a willing servant. And that servant was Mary, the virgin mother of Jesus.
The virgin who never knew a man, the girl who had done nothing of her own doing to conceive a child out of wedlock, the [i can imagine] frightened, little Mary who had to go before her friends and family and attempt to explain that she had not sinned, but rather was carrying out the work of the Lord — she had to be willing to accept what was happening to her, regardless how confusing, how difficult, how scary the Lord’s work might have been.
And praise God for her willingness despite it all!
In my heart, I know this is the answer to my, “Why?”
The Lord’s work does not have to make sense to us. It doesn’t have to be fair, or easy, and it certainly doesn’t have to keep us from all harm. We don’t even have to see it come full circle later in life. Not if He can accomplish what He needs to accomplish through it.
It’s been a year and a half, and to this day I still don’t know why Danny died from cancer. It doesn’t make sense, it wasn’t fair or easy, and several people were harmed in the process. But I can be certain that God used it for His glory in some way.
The truth, just like for Mary, is that God promises to be with us through the challenge. Emmanuel is His name.
In every tragedy, every confusing, heartbreaking, earth-shattering situation that we endlessly cry to God, “Why, why, why, why!?”
God is there – even when we don’t understand or feel it. Like Mary, we have to accept the pain, accept the scary and confusing, and trust that Emmanuel is with us after all. Emmanuel is working somehow.
I am a servant of the Lord, my heart whispers through the pain. Let this happen to me as You say!
With much love to my BloggerFam & extra hugs for everyone hurting through the holidays,