Another Brick in the Wall

It’s another beautiful day in small town, MS, and I’m feeling grateful to be alive to see it. If I can be so vaguely candid with you, I’ll say that I’ve been struggling a bit here lately, though I’m not fully ready to share exact details. (Thanks for understanding 💛).

But in my moments of struggle, I’ve intentionally slowed down to look back on all the goodness God has done over my twenty-seven years of life— if for no other reason than because I needed to be reminded of all that goodness again. I needed to stop and bask in His power. I needed to look back and see that He’s been faithful time and time again, even [especially] when it didn’t feel so good for a while, in hopes that I can continue to put my trust in this confusing time I’m walking through.

My Bible reading plan brought me to Nehemiah.

Nehemiah was an Israelite official, serving in the Persian government, with the mission of rebuilding the protective boundary walls around Jerusalem. There is a lot more context I could give here, but for the sake and the point of this post, I’m not going to.

In my reading, I noticed that while the Israelites diligently worked to rebuild their protective walls, they were simultaneously standing guard against enemy attacks. How difficult that must have been! They were literally rebuilding their protection— meaning it could’ve easily been Open Range for their enemies. They were defenseless out there.

The Bible says they “labored on the work with one hand and held weapons with the other hand.” They were basically pulling over time, physically working hard with construction and mentally working hard to stand guard.

I stopped. This was confusing for me, honestly. There are so many times in the Bible that God simply spoke and beat down the enemies of the Israelites. Too many times to count, they didn’t even have to lift a finger for victory because God’s omnipotence handled it for them. But here, in this story, this generation is working hard to keep themselves safe and their work productive.

Why? Where was God’s power in this story, like the other times He easily defeated their enemies before they even broke a sweat? Is it possible He was trying to teach them something through their hard work and dependence on Him? Is it possible everything was for a greater purpose than just their temporary happiness this time?

(Spoiler: yes and yes!).

Like I said, I’ve been doing some intentional-looking-back. I thought about my own life and the trials I’ve faced before now. I thought about the miracles I’ve personally witnessed and then the times, like now, when I’ve felt just like the Israelites — one hand putting in the work, my other hand standing on defense. Overtime hours.

I thought about how I almost always turn my face towards Heaven and ask Him to take my burdens away for me. Solve my problems. Defeat my enemies. Bring me victory, God, I’m exhausted! Spare me a little heartache like You’ve done for me before!

In recounting all the miracles He’s done for me, I noticed that I even still counted the times He didn’t miraculously speak my troubles away; I counted my hardships as “good” because of the growth He provided through those challenges. He taught me lessons I couldn’t have learned any other way, had He spared me the heartache.

I think that’s just it— it would’ve spared me the heartache, sure. And the tears.

And it would’ve spared me the growth.

I know I couldn’t have learned all that I did without walking through those valleys, putting one hand to work on my walls and the other on guard against my enemies. I couldn’t have appreciated His glorious unfolding without first feeling all the defeat, grief, anguish, perseverance, and anxiety I also experienced with the victory.

I think God is kind and loving to allow us to endure some of the things we walk through, and He promises to walk alongside us. He could snap His fingers, I know it. I’ve seen Him do it before. But this time He’s choosing to let my hands get a little dirty in perseverance for something greater than my temporary happiness. Endurance equals strength and gratitude at the endpoint. I’m eager for that strength. I’m excited for the gratitude.

So today, instead of asking God to give me another miracle like I know He could, I ask myself— Okay, since right now He’s clearly not, then what is God trying to teach me here? He’s not bringing miraculous healing for me. I’m working a little overtime both physically in what I’m able to control with my circumstances and spiritually, in my growing prayer life. One hand is building, the other hand is alert and on guard.

What is God trying to teach me here?

For Nehemiah’s troubles and for my own in the past, I’ve seen it all work out for good. It was good when He spoke immediate defeat over my enemies, and it was even good in the middle of construction when I had to get sweaty and put in work. Either way, I saw it all work out for my good and for His glory. So I’m confident He’ll do it again.

I guess for now I’m just not finished building my wall yet.

With much love to my BloggerFam,

Allie

From that day on, half of my servants worked on construction, and half held the spears, shields, bows, and coats of mail. And the leaders stood behind the whole house of Judah, who were building on the wall. Those who carried burdens were loaded in such a way that each labored on the work with one hand and held his weapon with the other.

Nehemiah 4:16-17

** kinda feeling like all my thoughts might be jumbled on this one, so forgive me. blame it on the night shift brain 😉